Resilience
Resilience is often described as a kind of fortitude and teeth-gritting willpower that pushes us to do something we do not want to do, “for our own good.” But when I see kids persistently solving a problem of their own accord in their lessons, not wanting to stop even when I suggest they do—that, to me, is clear resilience on display. I think it simply comes from believing that something is truly important. I watch kids who initially had no patience for slow practice, or little ones who would get teary when we stayed on a problem too long, grow into thinking beings who take ownership of and pride in their learning. They develop resilience as human beings. That, to me, is the heart of education.
By the same token, I see kids who do not feel safe enough to simply stay connected to themselves, and I see a direct correlation between that and what might appear to be low ability or intelligence. It’s not that everyone with intellectual intelligence is emotionally healthy; rather, that manifestation of intelligence often comes at the cost of many compensations, their functioning made possible only by hidden suffering. Sometimes the difference isn’t in levels of intelligence, but in capacity. Some kids are already maxed out just trying to survive when they can’t even connect to themselves.
I don’t think resilience in adults is much more complicated. Whether it involves deciding the right thing to do or what to be persistent about, it always goes back to what is important to you. Important in the deepest sense of the self. In the way that kids feel and know, if allowed. In the way that The Little Prince describes “matters of consequence.” Whether it is about personal relationships, love, or morality, it all comes down to exactly that: what is deeply important to you. If you recognize what it means for something to be truly important, and if that inner voice is allowed to flourish and you are encouraged to stay connected to it, you will develop a resilience that serves as a strong anchor in your life.